Friday, April 08, 2005

Alpha Rooster

Ithaca New York

Often when engaged in a poetry tour, one finds themselves crashing on someone's couch. Andy Slamtractor runs a great reading series up in Ithaca and the evening ended with an invitation to crash on his friend Mina's couch with the caveat that I help her with a rooster problem. She had adopted this fine fellow from a friend and now it was temporarily in a garbage can, with hay and chicken wire top, waiting to be moved into his new coop. The idea was that I would move the rooster in exchange for sleeping on the couch. Luckily one of Mina's friend's is a poultry expert and gave me instructions on handling roosters. It seems that because roosters subscribe to the pecking order theory that all one has to do is establish that one is the alpha rooster in order to control the lower rooster. In order to help all touring poets who find themselves in this position here is a step-by-step guide to becoming an Alpha Rooster:
1. Get a firm grip on the rooster's back.
2. Push it to the ground.
3. Reach underneath the rooster and grab its legs.
4. Flip the rooster on its back.

You now have complete control of the rooster and can move it as needed. Caution, you have about 3 seconds between grabbing the rooster's back and pushing it to the ground to establish dominance before the rooster realizes you are not the Alpha and pecks the shit out of your hand.

All night I thought about the rooster. In the morning Mina and I went outside and approached the rooster. I made my first mistake when I moved the garbage can closer to the coop, this enraged the rooster and when I removed the chicken wire top he puffed up, his feathers swelling with anger. I reached down grabbed his back, his beck dug into my hand and he pulled loose. He winged out of the can and began to race around the yard, me splashing in the mud after him. Mina shouting, "Catch him, catch him. He was fast and darted from out the can each time I tried to put it over his head.

Then he turned into a fenced in section of the yard and banged his head against the fence and in his dizzy state I grabbed him, pushed him down and got hold of his legs. Mina, shouted, "Flip him," and he went limp as I put him in his coop.

What a male ego opportunity. Don't forget poetry sounds like poultry.


iamnasra said...

poor roaster...had bad time with you chasing him and all

attracting girls said...

Hi Gary Mex Glazner, Out surfing for information on & happened upon your site. While Alpha Rooster wasn't exactly spot on, it did strike a note with me. Thank you for the really good read.

Anonymous said...

I could not resist commenting. Exceptionally well written!
my web page - best wedding insurance

Anonymous said...

Inspiring quest there. What occurred after?
Feel free to surf my web site - Gambling

Anonymous said...

A motivating discussion is worth comment. I believe that you
should publish more about this topic, it might not be a taboo matter but typically
people don't talk about these subjects. To the next! All the best!!
Also see my web site :: seo company india

Anonymous said...

Hello there! I simply wish to give you a big thumbs up for the excellent information you have
here on this post. I'll be returning to your website for more soon.

My weblog; Party Videos Free XXX Videos

Anonymous said...

Hello to every single one, it's really a pleasant for me to visit this web site, it consists of priceless Information.

Take a look at my blog:

Anonymous said...

Hey there! This post could not be written any better!
Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate!

He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him.
Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

My web blog -

Anonymous said...

Hello, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine but when
opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you
a quick heads up! Other then that, wonderful blog!

My webpage

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was
a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you!
By the way, how can we communicate?

Here is my page; free porn clips

Anonymous said...

I just couldn't go away your web site before suggesting that I actually enjoyed the standard information a person supply for your guests? Is gonna be again incessantly in order to check out new posts

Here is my web-site

Anonymous said...

I'm curious to find out what blog platform you have been utilizing? I'm experiencing some minor security problems with my latest blog and I'd like to find something more safeguarded. Do you have any suggestions?

Also visit my web blog; hotgirlsexcam.Com